There’s No Turning Back

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I was always a girl with a plan.

In high school, I knew what I wanted to do in college. I wanted to major in social work, minor in sociology, get an on-campus job, and be a resident assistant. I did all that with great success.

In college, I knew I needed good grades, multiple internship experiences, and work part time. I was making myself marketable and so I could get a great job right out of college.  There was no time for drinking or partying.

Shortly after graduating, I applied to the state of Connecticut’s Child Protective Services (Department of Children and Families) and I got the job.

At DCF, I wanted to stand out so I could move up without issues. I participated in outside events, was the chair of the activities committee, volunteered at the Dad’s Matter Too Walks, made genuine connections with my co-workers, and moved from social worker to investigator rather quickly.

Then there was no next step. I reached my goals. I was sitting in the office that I could potentially sit in for the next 40 years. I was in my early 20’s and about to ride this career out for the rest of my life.

I would have consistent raises, benefits, vacation time, sick time, personal time, 401k, and everything I needed. I was supposed to feel happy, accomplished, and secure. What I actually felt was worried.

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Learn To Give Your Best

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You’ve proven yourself time and time again, but this is still new to me and old habits die hard.

I’m the first to jump to conclusions. I can convince myself of almost anything and I’ll always take the first opportunity to run. It’s nothing against you. It’s just who I’ve become.

I associate commitment with a loss of independence and my heart naturally longs for freedom.

Deep down I know relationships don’t have to be suffocating. I’m just biased because it’s all I’ve known.

But I think you can change my mind. You never ask too much of me. You care without expectation. I appreciate that about you. So I’ll try to be a better me because you’re always giving the best of you.