I spent a lot of time in the comfort zone and it’s not as great as it seems. It was a trap to get me stuck in a routine that I don’t even like. I just did it to feel safe and it was easy.
Eventually things changed in my life and I decided it was time to move out of that zone and here is why…
You’ve proven yourself time and time again, but this is still new to me and old habits die hard.
I’m the first to jump to conclusions. I can convince myself of almost anything and I’ll always take the first opportunity to run. It’s nothing against you. It’s just who I’ve become.
I associate commitment with a loss of independence and my heart naturally longs for freedom.
Deep down I know relationships don’t have to be suffocating. I’m just biased because it’s all I’ve known.
But I think you can change my mind. You never ask too much of me. You care without expectation. I appreciate that about you. So I’ll try to be a better me because you’re always giving the best of you.
Everybody wants to be liked. It’s human nature. I tried for many years to create what I thought was the best version of myself according to society’s standards. This included maintaining honors in school, not partying/being trashy, having a boyfriend that I could marry after college, and obtaining a respectable job with a good income.
I accomplished all of the things I set out to do. I knew I looked good to the outsiders. My family was proud of me. People commented on how well I did for myself.
I’m not saying these are bad goals, but they weren’t purely mine. I based them on what I thought people wanted out of me.
I spent a lot of time becoming the person I thought I should be rather than who I was meant to be.
I wouldn’t call myself a conceited person, but I do know my worth. I’m not afraid to be alone. I don’t freely offer time, effort, or affection. You have to be lucky to get that.
I date casually, but it’s mostly for entertainment purposes and to pass time. But true commitment is a whole different story. There are high expectations that need to be met in order to catch me. Unfortunately, so many people seem mediocre.
Then I met you. Continue reading
I’m sitting on a plane, staring out the window at the clouds beneath me. They are different shades of beautiful colors from the sunset.
I start to think of life. Everything that’s changing around me.
As I’m thinking, you come to mind.
I have come to the realization that I can give good advice when it comes to relationships, but I refuse to follow it in my own life.
I know what I should be doing and then I consciously do the opposite. I purposely don’t answer phone calls, refuse to send text messages first, and God forbid I let anyone meet my friends or family. I keep everyone at a safe distance.
So what do I do when I meet someone I genuinely like, but bad habits start taking over?
You and I decided to go to a bar. It was within walking distance. We had low expectations for the night since we were both sleeping twenty minutes prior to leaving.
On our way there, you plucked a small flower out of the dirt road and handed it to me. That was when our insignificant night turned important.
I’ve walked by hundreds of flowers in my lifetime. I have never stopped to pick one for somebody. Neither has anyone ever picked one for me.
Part of the problem is that I’m so absorbed in my thoughts that I pay no attention to what’s around me. We live in a generation that constantly looks down at their phones. The only time we pay attention to the scenery is when we want to take a picture for Snapchat. We check Instagram during dinner. We update Facebook statuses while talking with friends.
Everyone has forgotten to live in the moment….everyone but you.
That’s when I first realized to appreciated you.
I think we’ve all found ourselves sitting around a table with friends trying to figure out if someone is into us. The answer is simple…if you have to question it, it’s probably not that serious. But incase you don’t see it simply, here are your signs to look for. Continue reading
I watched a movie about a father who lost his daughter due to an illness. Even though I wasn’t a fan of the movie, one line has stuck in my head. “Just be sure to notice the collateral beauty.”
What does that even mean? How do you find beauty in a child’s death?
There are a lot of things in life that I find easy, but the one thing that I have consistently found difficult is allowing myself to be vulnerable. I thought of it as a weakness until I met someone recently that was so pure with emotions, that I started to find beauty in it.
