I listened to Halsey’s new song the night it came out and I haven’t stopped since. Yes, I like the melody and it brings a chill vibe into my life, but it also intrigues me. One line in particular grabs my attention every time. “It’s funny how the warning signs can feel like they’re butterflies”.
Why is it that everything is so great in the beginning of a relationship? Everything said is funny and everything done is great. You can’t get enough of the person and everything they have to offer. As time goes on, we look back and realize qualities that we once admired, we later hate. How?
For example, I met someone that was super “vulnerable” (that’s what I called it back then). I actually wrote a post two years ago about how I admired this person for their vulnerable side. Fast forward to right now and I call it an emotional rollercoaster that I should have seen coming. It was not vulnerability, it was a person that experienced many emotions and made me very confused each time they expressed themselves. At first I thought it was a great attribute to have someone that could show their emotions (it still is a good thing to express yourself). The problem is that I later realized the person had no control over their emotions and I had no idea what was going through their head. They would say one thing and do another. At the end, I just wanted the person to stop expressing themself, take a deep breath, and really think about what they were doing. There was too much emotion. It eventually drove me crazy because of the instability and I started to question myself.
That is just one example I can think of in my personal life. But I’ve seen it play out in my profession as well. While working with domestic violence or intimate partner violence victims, I would hear that the jealousy was endearing in the beginning. The warning sign was not seen as control in the beginning. It was potentially a warning sign that felt like butterflies because the jealousy meant the person liked them and valued them.
I’m not saying that I was wrong for being in my situation and I’m also not saying that the women I worked with were wrong either. None of us are wrong. Emotions are a tricky thing to conquer because they come without our control sometimes.
Once we notice we are on the rollercoaster, it can feel impossible to get off. We start to recognize that things aren’t right, but we already innocently felt all the butterflies and got wrapped in the situation, so now what?
You still need to get off the ride. It hurts. It sucks. It can be scary. It can be lonely. But if it doesn’t feel right, someone is hurting, or something is wrong, you have to separate. I know for some this isn’t easy (especially those is DV relationships because there is a risk factor). I respect that, but still seek help if you think you need to get off the ride and can’t do it alone.
Think about what you want, what you deserve, and if you’re happy.
** I did not plan to add the DV part in this post, it just came out naturally. So I thought it was important to leave this info incase anyone needs it: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.