Head In The Clouds


I’m sitting on this plane, staring at the clouds under me. They are different shades of beautiful colors from the sunset.

I’m one of those corny people that easily gets awed by nature. I automatically become appreciative of everything I have, good and bad. I start to think about life. As I’m thinking, you come to mind.

Let’s call you Cam.

Me and Cam aren’t meant to be. The odds are stacked against us. It’s more complicated than I even care to admit. But we continue anyways.

I’ve put myself out there a lot for Cam, sometimes I think more than I should. If I know we aren’t meant to be, then why set myself up for failure?  Why put time and effort into something that won’t last? As a result, I decided to pull back, give short answers, show less emotion, and “care less”.

As I sit and think of of this, I realize I’m selfish. I’m only concerned about myself. I’m not in this alone. My failure is not my own, it is our failure.

So I have two options:

  • I keep pulling back, show little emotion, and ruin the little chance we have going.
  • I can continue putting myself out there and see what happens.

The first option keeps me safe, but guarantees we don’t workout. It also leaves me with “what ifs”.

The second option provides a chance. Maybe we can find a way to overcome the obstacles. Maybe I set myself up for getting hurt. But at least I tried. I didn’t let my insecurities stop me.

Everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Maybe this person was meant to bring out a side of me that has been hidden for a long time.

I’m trying to live my life with less “what ifs” and more courage.

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